I hate myself, I am learning to love myself

Until now, I cannot stop blaming for all my faults.

I hate myself, and I have lots of reasons to hate myself.

I am struggling to find the way to love myself.

 

The life in Leiden University let me see the world.

I always compare myself with others, and then I start to hate myself.

I hate myself cannot express my opinion in an appropriate way,

I hate myself cannot enjoy most of the parties cause I was too tired,

I hate myself cannot study as much as I expected,

I hate myself cannot stop eating too much,

and I hate myself for everything.

I know that sounds crazy, but I really struggle with it.

Now, I start to learn of accepting all of me,

and love myself no matter what.

It doesn't mean that you should hate yourself, even though you know there are lots of things leave to be desire,

It's you, get this opportunity to challenge yourself.

It's you, save a lot of money by biking for a long distance and wash all the dishes and clothes by hands every day.

It's you, try your best to make new friends.

It's you, get to sleep early and be a morning person in order to do more study.

It's you, choose a totally different topic to study.

...

It's this amazing you. 

The only one person that will accompany with you for the whole life, is YOU.

It makes no sense to hate this kind, lovely, humble, and hard-working girl.

...

Ohhhhh I should stop typing, otherwise I will cry...

There is one sentence I would always expect some one say it to me,

"I love you."

Yi-Zhen, I love you, forever.

Exchange Student In Leiden University - First week

Because I am now in the LU library, I cannot type in chinese.

I have too much to say about this week.

First, we finally started our semester, and I suffered such a incredible "culture shock".

Also, the way of educating is totally different from Taiwanese education.

In the past, I have to do nothing before the class start, but now, I have to do sooo many reading as well as reports before the fist class.

This semester, I enroll in "Architecture: The temple and the stupa " I do not have any background of architecture, I choose this course just because I want to learn more beyond my major field.

It's far beyond my expectation that I should do a representation on my first class!!!

-
As I mentioned above is something related to education.
In addition, the weather here also makes me going crazy.

It's so cold! I come from topical place, and now I should adapt to this freezing whether.

The third different thing is that, we bike to everywhere although the weather is crazy.

My bike is a mountain bike, it looks so great, but in fact, I prefer  a normal one because this bike is hard to be controlled!

...

Ok, I have blamed for everything for now, but I still feel very grateful, indeed.

If I haven't come here, I will never see how amazing people come from everywhere.
If I never been here, I will never suffer homesickness.
If I never come to Leiden University, I will never know how to learn active and be responsible to yourself.


Thanks god to let me experience this wonderful journey. I will learn to be more independent, learn to love myself no matter what, learn to be more generous, learn to take care of myself, and learn to love your life more deeply.

I will try my best to experience more, and pay more expects to all the people who come from different cultures and backgrounds.

I will try to find myself when I am here.

Thank you Yi-Zhen. You are so amazing that you cook every meal for yourself, you go to bed early and get up early, you wash all the clothes by hands, you save so much money by walking or biking, you read more and more books, you push yourself a little to indulge in the course.

I will love you, forever.